Raising 3 boys: Teaching Moments

I am watching this YouTube video in responds to Ice T's Manhood Is Dying article, and the first thing that comes to mind are my 3 boys.  Now while I agree, I don't totally agree.  Yes Men need to be Men and that starts in childhood.  I had a moment a few weeks ago where I had to teach my son how to deal with emotions he didn't  understand how to deal with.   We were at a family graduation giving our congrats to my nephew and cousin stating how we are proud of them.  The common theme throughout the  praises was how we are proud of the young Black Men they have become and will become.   It was a pretty emotional family moment and some us cried tears of joy.  My brother was very emotional because he had his son at 17 and to see his son graduate was an accomplishment!  
My 8 year old came up to me and asked 'Mommy I'm sad because people are crying'.  Immediately, a teaching moment for my son to understand how to deal with emotions.  I had to be very careful with how I responded because I am not a man and don't know how to deal with emotions as a man.  I told him they are tears of joy and sometimes when something good happens you are overcome by feelings of happiness!!  I continued to explain we are family and we are expressing our joy and happiness together!! This reminded me of a moment when we were at church and he asked the same question, trying to find understanding and meaning as to why Mommy was crying. Again, a teaching moment about being happy! I am not naive to think that society teaches our boys something else. So I have to put on my Mothering shield and give him words to help his understanding.
Our society frowns upon men who show emotion as well as women who show emotion.  It's perhaps more acceptable for women to cry, but men not so much.  We (Me, Dad, Uncles, Grandparents, Aunts, Cousins, Village) are teaching our sons to stand up for themselves, be who they are and not let people take advantage of them, to love, to cry,  to be angry or sad, to be happy in this world but understand to never let their emotions get the best of who they are! I don't want society to get the upper hand in raising them them or controlling who they become!!
I am unsure of what my son took from that moment, but I want him to understand what emotions are and how to deal with them, and to simply be who he is regardless, yet also prepare him for a world outside of his family that may judge him.
At the end of the day I want my sons to be strong enough to handle society, be strong enough to handle and control their emotions, be humble and Be the Best Men they can be!

No need for an apology!

It was 6 minutes 35 seconds left in the game he drives down the court ready to pass the ball, they scramble to get open, they couldn't get open so what's he left to do? He shoots, he scores!! Rahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Go Hornets! Go Jerry!! I sit there calm with my hands on my face in awe, take a deep breath as the adrenaline rushes through my body! My baby boy! (ok he is 11 not a baby but always my baby).  A mom sits next to me and asks "how long has your son been playing ball?" I say "he has been playing with his club since he was 4" and turn around.  She continues to say "well my son loves to play but I didn't allow him to because we chose to focus on his education".  Errrrk, stop the press....I look over to CJ and he just looks at me, shakes his head and then gives me that look like "oh crap she is about to go IN on her".  I surprise myself and my hubby, I say nothing! I am stunned and in shock, did she just say that?  I could have 'went in' on her and say "As if I have not focused on my son's education?".  I was a STUDENT ATHLETE in junior high and high school so trust I understand what it means to be just that. My son loves to play ball and I won't deny him that.   Education is the key, the foundation in our household as in many others so the audacity for her to imply that it wasn't a priority for us was out of line!  But I won't apologize.

Being actively involved in youth sports since my son was four I have seen so many things and I have learned that their are so many opinions.  No one persons opinions are more true than the next.

 I won't apologize for being that Mom; that runs the clock during games, brings snack on my assigned day, participates in a carpool system, buys swag for my boys, cooks pre-dinner meals, brings sandwiches for all the kids to eat.  Oh and definitely won't apologize for yelling too loud, for participating in the team chant "where my dawgs at?????", for waking early up anxious for the days games.  Praying for the safety of kids, no injuries.  I won't apologize for demanding my son to BE THE BEST and put forth his best effort during practice and game day!

I won't apologize for emailing my sons teachers day in and day out, for participating on the PTO, for carpooling kids from school to practice, for expecting a response from teachers, for volunteering my time, staying up until 11pm helping with homework, for expecting my son to work hard and ask questions.   I won't apologize for demanding my son to BE THE BEST and put forth his best effort during homework time and test day!

I won't apologize for requesting that my son hang up this quote in his school locker, above his homework desk and on his sports wall:

"It's not about perfect. Its about effort.  And when you implement that effort into your life...every single day, that's where transformation happens.  That's how change occurs.  Keep going. Remember why you started." author unknown.

I don't apologize because when the teacher emails me and says "I’m just so excited and wanted to email you right away to tell you that he got a 94 on his big test today!! I am so proud of him and I know he totally deserves it!"

And when the teacher emails me and says "Your son won student of the week for his hard work and growth".

Or when his Coaches say "We need your son, he is an asset to the team"

I don't need to apologize for being a good Parent to MY children!